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A fellow Al-Anon member shared with me the other day.
“I can say the same for myself”, I responded.
2 months ago, after my almost 14-year-young chocolate lab suddenly died, I found myself facing and experiencing the familiar abandonment issues I’ve struggled with since I was a little girl.
In Al-Anon, we recognize this as victim mentality.
Yes, it is a real issue…abandonment that is...
And it is a very real issue that affects every aspect of your life, whether it happened as a child, or an adult.
It just happened to be both for me.
As a former alcohol and drug addict myself, I have been around the family disease of alcoholism since I was a little girl.
***Trigger warning***
Child abuse topics will be discussed here…so if this is a sensitive subject for you, now is the time to close this page…or keep reading if you are seeking healing on this topic yourself.
The number one reason people become alcoholics is…..family.
We are either children of alcoholics, or our family members enabled us to drink, usually at an early age.
My whole life has been consumed by the family disease of alcoholism.
As an 8 year old, I remember my alcoholic dad beating my brother so hard the whole house shook.
I hid in my room under my bed promising myself I was going to be a “good girl” so he didn’t hit me that hard.
Thankfully, he didn’t.
Instead, he molested me.
Take a deep breath.
I can speak and write openly now about this because it is part of my healing journey.
And child incest, unfortunately, is very, very common, especially with alcoholism.
All of my relationships have been consumed by alcoholism.
The people I dated, the people I became friends with, and the people I worked with (nurses have one of the highest rates of alcoholism and addiction of any profession).
I tried quitting alcohol hundreds of times.
I used all the ingenuity and tactics I could think of:
Sound familiar?
I always ended up in the same place-
Puking in the toilet, on the floor of my bathroom paralyzed by shame, defeat and failure.
Getting sober was the single bravest thing I’ve ever done and will ever do in my life.
Jamie Lee Curtis
Alcoholics Anonymous teaches us alcoholism is a family disease, meaning it affects the whole family.
People end up in Al-Anon because their lives have become unmanageable because of someone else’s drinking.
Many of us in Al-Anon are what are called “double winners”.
This means we are also former alcohol addicts, and our lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
If your life has been affected by someone else’s drinking, Al-Anon is an incredible community and fellowship.
It has helped me more than my own 6+ years of sobriety, plus a lifetime of therapy, including many years of trauma therapy.
No...we don’t sit around all meeting and rant about the alcoholics in our lives…that would be a terrible experience, wouldn’t it?
We share hope, strength, support and promise of serenity, by working our own 12 step program, adopted from the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The Al-Anon program turns all your energy towards healing yourself.
It is a spiritual community where you work on YOURSELF and your attitudes, which is part of the disease of alcoholism…
Alcoholics Anonymous is where people go to stop drinking, and Al-Anon is where people go to prevent themselves from murdering people…lol!
Alcoholism is a family disease, and it is usually the loved ones and family members of alcoholics that act like the crazy ones because we have the false belief that we have power over alcohol.
In 2020, I listened to “How To Change Your Mind”, by Michael Pollan. I decided to start microdosing mushrooms for alcoholism.
Even though I had been a "dry drunk" for 2.5 years at that point, I was still experiencing the unbearable cravings of alcohol addiction that brought me back to drinking every time.
It is worth mentioning here there is a difference between being “sober” and being a “dry drunk”.
Someone who is sober is happy not drinking.
A dry drunk doesn’t consume alcohol anymore but still acts like the chaotic, insane drunk alcoholic the disease makes you.
I started microdosing mushrooms for alcoholism, and not too long after that, I committed to life-long sobriety.
I don’t crave alcohol…ever.
According to the US 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 29.5 million people ages 12 and older (10.5% in this age group) had alcoholic use disorder in the past year.
What defines an alcoholic, you ask?
According to cancer.gov, alcoholism is:
A chronic disease in which a person craves drinks that contain alcohol and is unable to control his or her drinking.
According to the American Medical Association, alcoholism is a disease, like cancer, diabetes and Alzheimer’s.
It is a progressive disease, meaning it gets worse over time, and there is no cure. The only way it can be retarded is if it is stopped, for life.
If you live in a decriminalized area, homegrown psilocybin for your healing path is SO MUCH the medicine.
According to Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholics have 3 destinies if they continue to drink:
Another woman in Al-Anon, whose alcoholic husband died a few months ago from the disease, shared he denied ever having the disease even to the day it took his life.
And yet alcohol is so widely used, accepted and celebrated worldwide….
The Native Americans know all too well that alcohol is a form of control and separates us from Spirit and ourselves.
How does long-term alcoholism affect your body?
It also manifests as cancers of:
Alcoholism leads to:
How does alcohol affect the brain?
In the ER, we call it a “wet brain”, because it creates a form of dementia.
I wish everyone could observe just one 12-hour shift in the Behavioral Health unit of the Emergency Room.
You will see how devastating the disease of alcoholism is.
I worked in the ER, and had many shifts in the BH unit…and it did nothing to retard my disease. If anything, it made it worse.
At the tail end of my nursing career in 2018, I was a dry drunk, severely burned out in my career, and training in hot yoga and meditation coaching to pursue other possible careers.
This was when the mushrooms “found me”, although I did not start microdosing mushrooms for another 2 years.
A very promising study on alcoholism and psilocybin resulted in those receiving psilocybin had a significantly lower mean percentage of heavy drinking days during the 32 weeks of follow-up than those in the control group.
Even though in this study the participants were likely given macro doses of psilocybin, I am confident the same results can be achieved with ongoing microdosing of psilocybin.
The effects of microdosing are cumulative…meaning the benefits grow and evolve over time.
Of course, “the work” needs to be done in adjunct with microdosing mushrooms for alcoholism.
If you think you are just going to start popping a microdose of psilocybin and your alcoholism will be cured and your cravings will magically go away…think again.
In the professional psychedelic world, we call this integration.
Integration is where “the work” is.
Integration includes:
Or a combination of any of the above.
"One day, you’ll tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.”
~ Brene Brown
Sound healing has been used by shamans all over the world for thousands of years. Sound was the first 'thing' that existed in our Universe and is the most powerful tool for creating change.
Integration is where transformation happens. Otherwise, you are just taking mushrooms and likely replacing one addiction with the other.
Psilocybin is not addictive, and does not allow abuse.
You can’t “hide from yourself” with psilocybin.
Nobody has ever died from psilocybin.
If you are struggling with quitting drinking, go to AA.
If you are a dry drunk struggling with cravings and erratic behavior, go to Al-Anon and also consider AA.
Get yourself some help. You can’t do this alone, and thank Creator you don’t have to.
There is no room for shame in your life. Forgive yourself.
You are human.
Sometimes, it is really fucking hard to be human.
You deserve a happy life, whether you are an alcoholic, or whether you love one.
Life is too short to be anything other than happy.
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